What it’s like to be an Antisocial Butterfly

To start this whole adventure off, I just wanted to state, this is not a place to mope and project the whole “Woe is Me” attitude. This is a place for those who feel that way to engage in thought about why they aren’t alone, or strange. To stop questioning what is wrong with them. The simple answer is nothing. My whole life I have never felt like I fit in. Yet, I wasn’t the girl who was staying up late at night, praying to some higher power, wishing I could become the popular girl. The truth is, I was never unpopular. I have always been very well liked, and sought after in social settings. However, I feel like I never belong anywhere. My favorite part of any social interaction was, and still is, saying goodbye. I am referring to the fact that I don’t subscribe to the social norms people do today. I do not smoke, I do not drink, I don’t like frat parties, and I never figured out how to use Tinder. I mean for crying out loud, the only streak I have going for me is the fact that I haven’t posted for 20 weeks! Many reading this may think “thats not a big deal, who cares?”, but many of us know, people do seem to care. Well, actually “care” isn’t the word, its more like they seem confused. To reiterate, I am a college student, in New York city, and I don’t like what has been presented as the way to “enjoy your youth”.

Despite what many say, it does become a struggle for those like us. It becomes a big deal when your out with friends at a bar they picked out, and you ask for water instead of a beer. Peoples heads tilt. Or when your at someones home, sitting in a literal social circle, playing hot potato with a blunt and you don’t take a hit. Expressions become those of  offense. Many of you know the looks I am talking about, and you understand what it’s like to to feel you have to try to defend and explain yourself. Eventually you may have gotten to the point where people just don’t invite you. Not because they don’t like you, but because they know you wouldn’t engage in what they are planning. Thats a horrible feeling. It hurts because you haven’t done anything wrong. I think the feelings of sadness come from the fact that we try and do everything right. Go to work, try hard in school, maybe even exercise, drink eight glasses of water a day, whatever it is, we try to do the right thing. And yet, it feels wrong. Even my boss and coworkers were confused as to why I, an underaged girl, wasn’t drinking off the free wine cart with them.

I am listing all these experiences because I want to convince you, not peer pressure you, into feeling that I understand, even though many people don’t. I have these experiences every day of my life. I know what its liked to be social but to feel embarrassed for what you don’t want to participate in. To try and hide how you feel because you’re afraid of  being alone. This is why I started Odd One In. I want to build a community in which people feel supported for doing the right thing and not looked at as lame. You are not. We are not. I can assure you, as well as myself when Im in doubt, just because we don’t meet people like us often, it doesn’t mean we are alone.

O

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